I’ve gone back and forth on whether or not I was going to write this post. I share basically my whole life on social media these days but my breakup was something that I kept private. My ex asked me not to share the details of our breakup and I fully intend to respect that as I write this post. I still am on great terms him so I’m going to try my best to give you some insight into my decision while still respecting his privacy.
To sum things up, being engaged and planning a wedding just wasn’t for me. I think one day it will be, but right now it just wasn’t something that made me happy. The crazy thing was there was absolutely nothing wrong with my relationship. It was actually kinda perfect. But my desire for independence was making me absolutely miserable and making the choice to walk away from my “perfect” life was hands down the hardest thing I’ve ever done. As I’m sure you all know, breakups SUCK. I was homeless for a month crashing with friends, having to put on a happy face at work and on social media, beating myself up for not being “normal” and wanting to get married and have kids when seemingly everyone my age was dying for a life like mine. The past several months have been some of the most eye opening, tough and beautiful months of my life. I am comfortable being alone and being truly independent for the first time in a WHILE has made me truly happy, even if it doesn’t fit the mold of what makes most women my age happy.
I think the reason why this blog post was so requested is because on social media I seem like I seamlessly went from engaged to independent and single and loving life, but that really wasn’t the case. I think I handled it well and I am happy to share my advice, but I freaking STRUGGLED and over half a year later I’m still struggling. I try to keep my Instagram real but sharing these dark moments isn’t something I feel comfortable doing, so I tend to not share. The point is, Instagram is a highlight reel so please don’t compare yourself to others! We all have our issues and life isn’t always rainbows and butterflies no matter what it may seem like on the internet.
So now that you know a little background on my story, here’s what got me through it.
My Breakup Tips
- Get your ass to therapy. Don’t be ashamed! Me and most of my friends all go to therapy. I always say, if you think you don’t need therapy you probably need it the most lol. Therapy really helped me make my decision and come to peace that my feelings were valid even though I didn’t feel they were “normal.”
- Stay busy! Get your mind off of it!! I took this pretty far and traveled for like 4 months straight, but there’s plenty of ways to stay occupied. Connect with friends and family, get a hobby (I suggest cooking hehe) and take on more responsibility with work!
- Cut off communication. Give it at least a couple months before you talk (with the exception of working out logistics of collecting your things, living situations, etc.). It’s impossible to get over someone if you’re still talking to them. This will just lengthen the grieving process.
- Give it time. Time heals, don’t rush into feeling the need to “be over it.” Be sad, feel sorry for yourself, acknowledge those feelings and don’t feel bad for not being ok. It will get easier as time goes on.
- Write a note to yourself. If you’re the one doing the breaking up, write yourself a note of how you’re feeling and why you’re doing what you’re doing. It will comfort you in hard times or if you ever second guess yourself. This has helped me a lot!
- Mute his Instagram. You don’t need to fully unfollow, but mute his stories and posts and do your best not to “creep.” Out of sight out of mind!
- Don’t make any big decisions. If you’re feeling the urge to move, get a tattoo, buy a new car, just give yourself some time before acting on them. Breakups can have you feeling all kinds of irrational so let’s avoid doing anything we might regret in a few months.
- Count your blessings. There’s so much to be thankful for in this life. Be grateful that you have the capacity to love and hurt and be human.
- You’re not alone! Sometimes it feels like no one understands what you’re going through, but unless you’ve only been with one person your whole life, we’ve all experienced a tough breakup. It makes us who we are!
- Rebound. I really debated putting this on here but I’m all for a CASUAL rebound. It can help ease the pain, just make sure your rebound knows your current sitch. Also be extra careful it doesn’t segway into another serious relationship. You’re going to want to be single and process your emotions for a solid few months before jumping into another relationship. Keep it fun and if it continues for longer than a month or two, cut it off!
Hope this helps babes xoxo